Graduation as the beginning of a lifelong exile

As I write this, during that emotional period known as graduation season, I am reminded of a quote by the writer Moritz Thompsen, one that he used as the title of one of his books of reflections. It was titled "Traveling is the saddest pleasure", and it captured the contradictions of an experience that is embued with many strands of conflicting emotions. If I may try to modify this idea, I would apply it as well to the experience of graduation, and the journey upon which we embark after this ritual of passage. With years of retrospection, I am able to look back and reflect that is can hardly be termed a solely celebratory event. It signifies a moment of transition but also, for many of us, a moment in which we will leave behind the essence of our lives to embark upon a period of exploration. In the end, it is a process that may leave us with a deep feeling of nostalgia and loss.

Yesterday I went to a scholarship event that I have been attending for several years. It is held in the heart of Los Angeles, at a community organization that provides arts facilities for the surrounding community. It was, as always, an immensely enjoyable event.

Attendance initially seemed lower than expected. Last year it was very crowded, but yesterday, perhaps because of the pervasive gloom or because of a myriad of other commitments, attendance was lower. The organizers put up a canopy directly in my line of sight, but I somehow managed to find a spot from which to appreciate the entertainment.

Seeing the scholarship awardees accept their certificates brought back many memories for me. I remember what it was to be seventeen years old and about to embark upon university experience. It is with a sense of great expectation that we embrace this moment, but there is also an element of sadness as well as anxiety. We realize even then how much we have changed, especially for those of us who come from working-class, immigrant backgrounds. While we might not have necessarily fit in well in our communities, they were the only ones we knew. Could we have anticipated how our university experience was to heighten our loneliness, and how this initial seperation, however much we may insist that we will remember our families, already signifies an escape from which we won't be able to return?

The kids seemed genuinely humble, and it is uplifting to see them acknowledge all the support they have received. We are all filled with expectation, and we see these young minds as they take their first steps. It is a culmination, but it will also signify a turning point. In my case, it signified the inability to ever really feel comfortable once again with my family and with the community I left behind.

Here are a few photos I took of the event.

 

 

Eternal Observer -- ORomero (c) 2011
Copyrights ORomero 2011